My Fallen

My brother,

This is a letter that I want you to see. Once upon a time the Wild Child told me I should write this letter to her. To My Fallen. The one and only person I have ever truly loved. Sadly I did so just recently and as you can understand I was a few years late. You knew her just briefly but we both had to witness her die. So she will never see it, but I hope part of her will, somehow. This is the last love letter I will ever write. A letter to the undead, sort of speak:

15/10/2012

Today is a day of pain and sorrow. Two years of it. And ever since, nothing has been the same. 

Forgive me for my scattered words, my love. I write to you today, because you are no longer here. 

And no one else knows. I miss you, with every sunrise that I witness I miss you more. 

I wish you were here, so you would hold me up like you always did. Loved me, been my friend, my lover, my confidante. The one who taught me how to live. How to see all this beauty that has fallen away with you. 

You knew my all and kept my pieces together. I still cannot believe that you are gone. That you have left my soul in a wreck of bones, to wake with this unbearable and paralysing pain. How I miss you. 

No one knows how I miss you. How nothing is the same. How I can’t bear to hear your name spoken. 

Not even whispered. Yet no one else mourns for you. No one else notices that you are no longer here. Somewhere, out there, walks a shadow of what you once were while the memory of you yourself fades away. But not for me, I will carry your scares on my skin till the day I die. I grieve for you. I miss you. 

Every day. With every breath. With every beat of my heart, something has fallen missing for these past two years. Today, two years ago, you have died. And not a single thing will ever be the same. I miss you. 

But now I must say goodbye. I know I will never be half of the person that you were. But I must live. 

For myself! And stop following your ghost where ever it goes. The hole you left in my chest will forever be an empty space without you. But I hope, I still hope, that something would come and fill this void. 

I hope you can forgive me. I have tried to keep my promise. But to try to find what once was and now is gone, is just impossible. We died that day together and my soul is now a new one. 

So I must live a life that is new. I am not saying that I will forget you. But I want to try. 

To stop comparing to how it could have been if you weren't taken away from me. 

Please forgive me. I love you, my fallen. Fare thee well.