A Fall From Grace

My dearest Isaacs,

I think of all the dangerous paths I've been taking lately. All I let my soul go through.
I recall my latest late night encounters. They all seem the same. But the one of last one was quite different. 

It's night. I come over. We share a moment of normality. Maybe a chat, a smoke, a drink. I kiss her. Like any other, I kiss her and she feels what she thinks to be my heart. I kiss her passionately till she has no choice but to succumb. I take her and lead her to the bed. She sits on top of me. Trying to seduce me, but I'm already there. She moves her body like a snake. Dancing her way into my heart. I let my hands run around. On her neck, her cheek, her arms, her chest, torso, belly, back, ass. I map out her entire body. Every curve of it. Every mole. Every dimple. Every scar nature left on her to remember her past lives. I keep on. 

I pull her closer, turn her head, kiss her neck, make my way to her chest. Her skin is flawless, Isaacs. Like golden silk! I continue to her breasts. She was yet to be undressed and yet I could still reach her bosom. I kiss it. First tenderly, then roughly. She moans. She moans my name. She pulls me back to her. She kisses me. She scratches my back. Bites my lower lip. I put my hand on the back of her neck and turn her on her back. I can feel her soft body under me. She looks into my eyes while I run my hand on the skin under her shirt. Run it on the leg she wrapped around me. Make my way to her inner thigh, till I get too close and she turns me back. I lie there, running my hands on her belly. I take her shirt off. Take her bra off. She is there, displaying all her beautiful glory. Turns her head sideways to collect her hair. I look at her. I take it in. Once again we begin our dance between the sheets. We kiss, we touch, we turn. I have her under me, I make my way to her inner thigh again till I find her. I enter her. She moans loudly, scratching, groaning my name. I take my hand out, she puts my fingers in her mouth to wet them, then back inside her. We keep this up. Her body's shivering. She's breathing deep and fast, barely able to utter a word, but she does. She yells my name out. And Gods'. To be honest, there's no difference. We are both fiction. She's done.

She looks deeply into my eyes. I ask her what's wrong. She says that nothing. She gives out a faint smile and says that she's just happy. Looking deeply into my eyes, searching my soul. This was when it hit me. SHE's gone. Really gone. My soul starts screaming. Asking me what the hell am I doing. That woman. Her bare body in my arms. An epitome of physical perfection. A women most men could only dream of having in their bed. A woman I feel nothing for. Not even the slightest resemblance of a feeling. Usually I have the tiniest bit of fear of falling for that stranger in this bed. But nothing. Nothing in me cares. I try to fake emotion. I try to imagine how it was like to care. Nothing comes up. My soul cries once more. It wants to weep. But no tears are aloud in these blue windows of mine. I want to cry, Isaacs, but I can't. SHE is gone and I can do nothing to bring her back.

I get dressed and leave. Not looking at her anymore. I was never good at staying and dealing, Isaacs. I walk the cold, dark streets of Downtown Toronto, trying to find a way home. I roll a cigarette and light it up. The hour is late and fogy. There is not a soul in sight. I pass my favorite church and stop to stare.

We have entered a dangerous era, Isaacs. One in which love rots and people turn to stone. Grace and beauty are long gone and all has turned to darkness. We are no longer welcome here. We can no longer fit. We are a dying breed. And me? I have truly fallen from grace, Isaacs. I'm not me anymore. I am not the person you once knew. But it's ok. I think I might be better.