They really want you in a Box. Labeled and tagged and ready
to be shipped in 24 hours if possible.
Why? Why do you have to label us? Put us in a box with a hundred others so that you can deal with us? If we can fit in a small compartment in the back of your small dark mind with a label than we're ok, than you are willing to live with us?
Why? Why do we have to be smart or stupid or average? Humanitarian or realistic? One of about 3000 shades of religion in no-god-Jewishdom alone. You have to be gay, or straight, or bisexual, or transsexual or asexual; but then some people have a more complicated sexual orientation so are you pink or active or passive or progressive-cross-diagnostic-with-an-out-door-fetish. Why does everything have to be good or bad? Every act is either virtues or petty. Everything has to be evaluated calculated and judged - People, acts, beliefs. You look at how we dress, you look at what we say, and you look at what we do. It's like there's a constant court proceeding in the mind of every fucking one of you all the time. 50 shades of gray? there aren't no shades of gray, just big words that make people small.
Is it so hard to just accept that it's complicated? Not an I-don't-feel-like-explaining "It's complicated", rather a simple understanding that we just don't fit in a box. We change and reformulate and exist in parallel realities. I can say a sentence that is the complete truth and yet a total lie and it is. I can shift my personality and remain true to myself, I can lie truthfully, I can say the truth deceitfully. It's complicated.
The worst part is I do it myself, sometimes. I'm guilty of the sin, I'm the worst of them all - box em, tag em and forget about them. But I try. Your little piece of paper I will cherish forever, It has moved me so much, you couldn't believe.
I don't often give promises. There is only a point in making a promise if there is a realistic chance you will break the promise (I promise the sun will rise tomorrow...so fucking what, dumbass). But I want to give you this - I promise never to put you in a box. I promise that even if you fit exactly, even if every dark stereotype places you in a box with a big label, even if I really need to control and compartmentalize my thoughts - even then I promise never to put you in a box.
I promise to always let your spirit roam free, see everything for what it is, no more, no less, not good not bad; just react to the world. It's not much, but I can promise that to you.
I know the feeling too well.
ReplyDeleteQuite similar to trying to explain to a daltonic that theres more than bright and dark, that there's more than black and white - if he never saw the other colors, he will not understand what you mean - you will try to talk to a wall (thinking perhaps there's a door there).
Seldom it does happen - the wall changes to a door. You just have to have the patience and hope that it will happen I guess.
It's either that or creating a life where you have awesome friends who aren't like that.
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